Worst Shopping Trip Ever


You think you’ve had a bad shopping trip?  Try to top this one.

We went to the grocery store this morning, as we always do on Wednesday morning.  About half an isle in, Pirate decides that it’s time to knock over ALL the oatmeal containers.  ALL OVER.  So while I’m helping and directing him to pick them up, Professor wanders off.  I race around the corner and don’t see him so I race back to Pirate and scoop him up to go look for Professor.

Pirate happily annouces the need for a fresh diaper.

Well, hopefully the shopping trip won’t be too long, I figure he could last until we get out to the car and get a clean diaper there.

We jog around the corner and no Professor.  I look down the isle.  No Professor.

I glance down the next isle.  No Professor.  Now I’m getting worried.  So I walked down the isle to the middle break and find him studying the cans of stew.  I tell him we need to get going on our route around the store. He disagrees.


So now I have one 2 year old, stinky, and one 2 year old, screaming.

I tuck him under my arm and start a mad dash through the store to get the things I need.  Pirate was trotting, stinky, by my side.  Professor calms down eventually.  I may have bribed them with cookies. Professor got comfortable in the cart.  I had a chance to chat with a friend from church.

But then we had to change carts at check out and Professor flipped out.  He flung himself on the floor and screamed and screamed and screamed.  So loud I couldn’t hear anything the cashier was saying.  I dumped my stuff into bags and high tailed it out of the store, while being pounded on by Professor.

I tossed him into the car and started loading Pirate and the groceries in behind him.  As I’m lifting Pirate up into the car he says, “Uh oh!  Change!”  And I glance down in time to see a river of poo running out his pant leg.  He soaked his clothes, his shoes, but thankfully not my car!  Well, not yet.

As I’m stripping and wiping and cleaning up after Pirate, Professor is just raging.  Screaming crying kicking seats and hitting the windows.  He gets even more upset when I push him off of Pirate, whom I’m trying to change.

I’m lucky I keep a spare set of clothes, and wipes in the car.  Because I needed both!

Once Pirate was clean (“Tank yoo Mommy!”) I turn to deal with Professor.  I dangle the cookies I bought in front of him to get him into his seat.  He becomes sweet once more after a few cookies and bananas on the way home.

I, on the other hand, was covered in sweat and tears and snot and, I’m sure, poop.  I sat in my car when we got home, just breathing.

“What doing Mommy?” “Yeah, what doing?”

Nothing.  I’m trying to do nothing for just.one.minute.

Sadly in my mad rush to leave the store, I forgot about MY treat.  Anyone have chocolate I can have?