If you look back in my archives, you’ll see that I haven’t written much this past year. It’s not because I haven’t had much to say. I’ve had a lot of things to say actually. But none of those things I wanted to publish. None of them I’ve wanted to put out on the internet.
When I opened my blog with every intention of writing, everything I put down seemed hollow. Shallow. Not worth even posting. Looking back at the things I tried to write, they WERE worth posting. I should have posted. But I just couldn’t bring myself to put such trivial stuff on my blog when so much BIG stuff was happening. So I didn’t put anything up. And then, I didn’t even put the big happy stuff up. Like birthdays and milestones and Christmas. I felt like I couldn’t post at all. I was blocked.
Lolli convinced me to go with her to BlogHer this year in New York City. It didn’t take long to convince me. We went together in 2010 and had a great time. I was looking forward to spending time with her (we don’t get to see each other much these days it seems) and spending some time away from my family just being a person. Then Lolli won an amazing prize and got to share it with me. So BlogHer went from being a fun trip away to an amazing FREE trip away.
So we planned. And smiled. I felt happy. Excited. I finally felt like blogging a bit again. The big things were still there, but not so…looming. So we went. We had an amazing time.
I went to ONE session the whole time. It was all about blogging because you love it. Here’s the class description taken from the BlogHer website:
Some of the loudest voices on the internet tell you that you need to monetize, grow, get PR contacts, and have a stronger media presence. Other loud voices are on either side of a partisan line, engaged in political gamesmanship and one-upmanship. But there are quieter voices in the blogosphere who have been raising their hand lately and reminding us all that they are here, and that their passion and devotion to personal expression is what the blogosphere has thrived on for over a decade: meet the bloggers who blog for the love of it. Blogging provides immeasurable gifts that may never result in quantifiable “success metrics.” Success can mean living a higher quality of life because your blog simply means something to you and others. It makes you and your readers happy, makes you think, makes you feel.
I was late to the class but I enjoyed the time I spent there. They talked about blogging because you love it. Not because you want followers (I do). Or because you love the followers (I do that too!) But blog because YOU love it.
And when you blog, be truthful. I sat there listening to the questions being asked and I thought about my blog. I am not being truthful on here. I want things to be rosy. I want to make the picture of our life to be good. Because it is good 90% of the time. And when I (eventually) print this blog into a family book, I want it to reflect what we are.
But if I leave out the bad, then it’s not REALLY who we are is it? When I couldn’t paint the picture of us as we were, I didn’t want to “paint” at all.
I am going to try my hardest to get back to sharing. Because I really do love to blog. It’s just hard to open up when things are bad. But that class reminded me that if I am truthful, I will come to know myself even better.
That is my ONE takeaway from the entire trip. There was lots more. Lots more fun and exciting things that happened! But I want this to be more than the swag I brought home from the trip. I want this to be something I can talk about with you instead of just showing you.
So in an effort to know myself better, here is one truth about me. (Baby steps, I don’t think I can handle more than one thing each right now.)
Truth about me: I am feeling second best to everything and everyone right now.
Anyone want to share their one truth?