Worst Shopping Trip Ever



You think you’ve had a bad shopping trip?  Try to top this one.

We went to the grocery store this morning, as we always do on Wednesday morning.  About half an isle in, Pirate decides that it’s time to knock over ALL the oatmeal containers.  ALL OVER.  So while I’m helping and directing him to pick them up, Professor wanders off.  I race around the corner and don’t see him so I race back to Pirate and scoop him up to go look for Professor.

Pirate happily annouces the need for a fresh diaper.

Well, hopefully the shopping trip won’t be too long, I figure he could last until we get out to the car and get a clean diaper there.

We jog around the corner and no Professor.  I look down the isle.  No Professor.

I glance down the next isle.  No Professor.  Now I’m getting worried.  So I walked down the isle to the middle break and find him studying the cans of stew.  I tell him we need to get going on our route around the store. He disagrees.


So now I have one 2 year old, stinky, and one 2 year old, screaming.

I tuck him under my arm and start a mad dash through the store to get the things I need.  Pirate was trotting, stinky, by my side.  Professor calms down eventually.  I may have bribed them with cookies. Professor got comfortable in the cart.  I had a chance to chat with a friend from church.

But then we had to change carts at check out and Professor flipped out.  He flung himself on the floor and screamed and screamed and screamed.  So loud I couldn’t hear anything the cashier was saying.  I dumped my stuff into bags and high tailed it out of the store, while being pounded on by Professor.

I tossed him into the car and started loading Pirate and the groceries in behind him.  As I’m lifting Pirate up into the car he says, “Uh oh!  Change!”  And I glance down in time to see a river of poo running out his pant leg.  He soaked his clothes, his shoes, but thankfully not my car!  Well, not yet.

As I’m stripping and wiping and cleaning up after Pirate, Professor is just raging.  Screaming crying kicking seats and hitting the windows.  He gets even more upset when I push him off of Pirate, whom I’m trying to change.

I’m lucky I keep a spare set of clothes, and wipes in the car.  Because I needed both!

Once Pirate was clean (“Tank yoo Mommy!”) I turn to deal with Professor.  I dangle the cookies I bought in front of him to get him into his seat.  He becomes sweet once more after a few cookies and bananas on the way home.

I, on the other hand, was covered in sweat and tears and snot and, I’m sure, poop.  I sat in my car when we got home, just breathing.

“What doing Mommy?” “Yeah, what doing?”

Nothing.  I’m trying to do nothing for just.one.minute.

Sadly in my mad rush to leave the store, I forgot about MY treat.  Anyone have chocolate I can have?


12 Comments (+add yours!)

  1. The Flower Maiden
    Feb 16, 2011 @ 23:43:00

    Oh boy! We’ve had some pretty scary trips to the store, thankfully I only have to deal with one kidlet. Hope you were able to find some chocolate! (((hugs)))


    • Safire
      Feb 21, 2011 @ 23:47:09

      Yes, Lolli brought me some home made stuff. Awesome!


  2. Valinda
    Feb 17, 2011 @ 03:55:14

    How about girl scout cookies? I could send you some of those :)


    • Safire
      Feb 21, 2011 @ 23:46:38

      Ohh…I do love a good frozen Trefoil!


  3. Lolli @ Better in Bulk
    Feb 17, 2011 @ 10:39:41

    I really don’t want to try to top that one, though if I dug deep enough I bet I could come up with something equally as horrific. I’ve just put that stuff out of my brain. :) I hope today is better!! (does make for a great story, though!)


    • Safire
      Feb 21, 2011 @ 23:46:24

      Hehe…and I will laugh when my grandkids do this kind of stuff.


  4. Leslie B.
    Feb 17, 2011 @ 11:24:30

    WOW!! Must have been an off day for all of you in order for you to reward such terrible behavior with cookies!! I’ve had days like that while my youngest is being a total sour puss in the morning and I give her CANDY, in the MORNING, to get her to school without a big fuss. Sometimes, we just don’t have it in us….

    Leslie B.


    • Safire
      Feb 21, 2011 @ 23:46:00

      Seriously, no idea why I rewarded them with cookies. But sometimes, the fight is not worth it!


  5. Kirsten
    Feb 17, 2011 @ 17:35:25

    Sorry that was so miserable. How about next Wed. you drop them off at my house, and you can go alone. Seriously.


    • Safire
      Feb 21, 2011 @ 23:45:15

      I might take you up on that Kirsten!


  6. Aunt Lisa
    Feb 23, 2011 @ 19:50:40

    Well, I definitely can’t top it but I do remember when Bee was between 1 and 3 or so. We couldn’t go in any store without a screaming fit. Grocery shopping became a stop on the way someplace with one parent running in the store to buy two days worth of food and the other staying in the car with the not so happy child. I totally got out of the habit of shopping for anything and I didn’t have the online option we do now. This too shall pass!


    • Safire
      Mar 03, 2011 @ 22:51:28

      I sure hope so! I remember Bee when she was that little. I think I have it a little easier than you do. :)


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