This week on Multiples and More, a question was asked about a scenario.
The kid pushes Jill out of the way and says “No it’s mine you can’t play”. Yes, put his hands on my daughter. I turn to the Mom to see if she’s going to say anything. No response, clearly talking about how much tv her “angel” does not watch is way more important. So I was in a spot, do I say something to the Mom or the kid? I know she saw it, she’s looking in the direction of her child. I decided to say “I think we need to share and not push because that’s not nice” then I turned to the Mom and asked “Right?” giving the “you so better agree with me” look. Response? “Right we share”.
What would you do?
Honestly I have no idea. Butterfly has been the victim of bullying and also the bully. I used to be very protective of Butterfly at play places. But even though I was protective, she was slapped, pushed, hit, and hurt. She’s also been the one to push. I think it’s the nature of kids to push their boundaries. And frankly, this is one of those boundaries kids push.
- Would you have done what I did? Only talk to the Mom? Do nothing?
If had been Butterfly (who is 5), I would have waited it out to see if they had worked it out. She and I talk about these types of situations and how SHE should act if this happens when I’m not around. I would have told her to walk away or come find me. And if she came to find me, I would have told her to wait her turn.
Now if SHE had been the one pushing, I would have made her apologize to the other kid. She would also have had a time out on the spot.
If it had been the boys (who are 2.5) being pushed by a bigger kid, I would have stepped in and redirected my own child. If they had been the one pushing, I would have made them apologize and they would have had a time out. (More often then not, they are great to other kids, they would have been pushing each other.)
- Is it appropriate to scold other people’s children? If yes in what circumstances? If no, why not?
Only if there is a grave danger to the child or if I see that the child is alone. I typically ignore the bullying child and their parents because they just aren’t worth the time.
- How do you teach your children to deal with bullies?
Like I mentioned, Butterfly and I talk about what to do if she is being pushed around. Typically I see her stop and look at the offending child a little baffled. Then she comes and tells me. (She’s a bit of a tattle tale…and it’s okay.) I tell her to come tell me. Or tell another adult. But NOT to hit/push/yank back.
Bullies are a part of life. I’m hoping to teach my children to act with dignity when they are pushed by someone. Because even as adults, I think we get pushed a little. And hopefully, we handle things well.